the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Fuck appropriateness.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
