Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
