God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
