Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
