i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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