he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
