Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
