...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pants are for mortals
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
