Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
