I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
