It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
