The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
