its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
