"it" just moved
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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