the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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