Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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