The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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