He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
