So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
