i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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