the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
