Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
