brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
