he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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