is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am one with the molecules
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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