Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Semen is not good for contacts.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
