you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
