Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
