why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
