five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
