They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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