I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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