Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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