can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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