based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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