When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
