Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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