No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
