I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
