Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
