Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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