He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
