I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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