HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
