so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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