Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
