I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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