Life is so much better after having sex.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
