i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
