I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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