i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
