It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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