Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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