Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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