Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
