I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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