Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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