I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
