Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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