How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
