if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
