We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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