The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
