Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
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How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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