you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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