You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
